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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Jeffrey Simpson meets the Queen

Why Jeffrey boy all of a sudden sounds like a monarchist! This staunch republican, who for years has been lecturing the rest of us in his Globe and Mail columns on the backwardness and irrationality of monarchy, sounds absolutely delighted to have finally met the Queen. In fact, his enthusiasm, to say nothing of profound respect, leaps right off the words of his May 6th column. Love of queen and country can be irrational alright; my only hope is that more republicans get the opportunity to know what it is they are trying to destroy.

For this piece of heartfelt writing, I hereby invest Mr. Simpson as a Knight Grand Columnist. May he henceforth never revert to his old ways.

LONDON -- You wonder when you see that smile up close, if only in a flash.
The smile has got to be at least slightly fake, but it's too genuine for complete fakery. The smile can't be entirely real, either, because she doesn't know anybody, except her husband, a few family members and staff.

The smile looks partly as though it's bolted on the face, like a protective mask against intruders, a shield for secret thoughts; and yet warmth lies there, too. She invited us, after all, to her house. And she smiled an awful lot.

We, the lucky ones, were 300 Canadians whom the Queen had commanded her Master of the Household (or so the card said) to invite us to stop by for a drink and a chat at Buckingham Palace, the premise being that she was going to visit Canada shortly.

Perhaps she needed a warm-up on things Canadian, although she's visited the country 20 times before. Who knows? The gesture was appreciated, but it did raise protocol questions that many of the guests -- especially closet republicans -- could not precisely answer.

A few pros had done this routine before, and thus could answer obvious questions such as when, if or how to speak; whether to shake hands, curtsy or bow; whether to express political opinions; whether to offer congratulations on Prince Charles's second wedding and condolences on the first; whether to warn her, for the sake of her mental health, about the current inanities of Canadian politics.

The non-pros expected a quick briefing on such dicey matters. Instead, they were thrust into the uncertainties that can afflict commoners in the presence of royalty. And not just the presence of these royals, but the dozens of dead ones peering down from paintings and friezes on the walls.

The Queen has been doing this sort of thing since she succeeded to the throne 53 years ago. She's just passed her 79th birthday. She no more needs another reception for Canadians, or anybody else for that matter, than Britain needs another tabloid newspaper.

We wheeled quickly around the corner, nudged from behind by the palace's discreetly firm staffers, expecting to await the Queen's presence and perhaps a few remarks in an adjoining room -- only to find ourselves almost face to face with the Queen herself, and that smile.

It all happened so suddenly that no one -- at least among the amateurs -- really had time to figure out what came next. A woman did a half curtsy, as if not quite sure whether a full one or none at all was the right call. Another woman bowed, a rather gender-neutral move.

All of us grasped the outstretched, gloved royal hand and peered for a split second into that smile that had seen so much, yet revealed so little.

Any sensible person, or at least someone working for a different kind of institution, would have hung up the greeting gloves a long time ago. We really don't expect people to work into their eighth decade.

Yet, the Queen must keep going, the alternative being abdication, a great monarchists' horror that the rest of the world would call a well-earned retirement. If disease felled her, a regency would be declared. Perhaps Prince Charles would welcome it, but few others would.

She is chained to duty. How many thousands of events, or would it be tens of thousands, has she attended in her official capacity? Someone in the palace has likely kept track. It doesn't matter. She keeps going. She will be in Alberta and Saskatchewan from May 18 to 25 to help celebrate their centennials.

On a previous Canadian trip, she huddled under a blanket in a Bonavista Bay gale, freezing cold, no doubt. The next night, the official dinner concluded, she excused herself from a walkabout with guests. Who could have blamed her? We all feel lousy sometimes. She just can't show it.

Surrounded by these Canadians whom she does not know, she acts, well, royally -- and splendidly. The woman is a pro. She moves around the room, asking people where they're from, what they do, what they think about this or that, offering in return something between an opinion and a blank verse.

She is supremely good, it must be said, at putting nervous people at ease. She has had a lifetime of practice, with no end in sight.

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